Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day.

Today, October 15th is National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant loss.
This includes all babies who have died because of miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or any other infant death.
I have shared my story of loss before and I will continue to share it every October 15th because it is a reminder to me (and hopefully others) about God's love & faithfulness.

It reminds me that
God has a plan for my life (and yours!) and that HIS plan is better than my plan - Always.

I had 2 miscarriages before I had Kate.
Ectopic Pregnancy at 6 weeks on October 22, 2002 (due date June 23, 2003) Miscarriage at 10 weeks D&C on October 25, 2005 (due date May 26, 2006) I still think about them & wonder.
Were they a boy or a girl?
I could have a 10.5 year old and a 7.5 year old.

But then I wouldn't have my Kate, Claire or Luke.

 God has a plan. His timing is perfect. Trust in Him.
This is what would remind myself during my saddest days.
In the process of having miscarriages & sharing about them, I have met many, many women who have lost their sons and daughters. I have friends, family & co workers who have had miscarriages. I have several friends who have lost their babies at full term, days & months after having them. I can't imagine the pain they have suffered.

The Lord has broken my heart for families who have to endured these types of losses. I don't fully know the pain these families have gone through, but I have felt a small fraction of it.
This is one of the reasons I felt called me to become a volunteer photographer for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep 2 years ago. I cannot take away the pain of someone's loss, but I can give them something to remember their child by. You can read about my journey to become a volunteer with them HERE. 
For those of you who are new to my blog, here is my story of loss:
(I post this every October 15th)
Kevin and I got married on August 24, 2002. We wanted to wait 3-4 years to have kids. I was on the pill and took it religiously at the same time every day. Imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant 2 months after we got married. We had always wanted kids, just not so soon after getting married. I went to the doctor & they gave me a due date of June 23, 2003. I was FREAKING out & couldn't believe I was pregnant. This pregnancy was our "honeymoon baby". Apparently I got pregnant on our honeymoon. Unfortunately, a few days after I found out I was pregnant in October of 2002, I woke up to an intense pain on my left side & when I went to the bathroom I was massively bleeding & then I passed out. Kevin rushed in and woke me up & we rushed to my doctor & after some tests, he informed me that I was having an ectopic pregnancy & that I had to go immediately to the hospital for emergency surgery because the condition was life threatening for me. So, that Tuesday night in late October, I was rushed to the hospital for surgery. Luckily, I have one of the best doctors in the area & he was able to save my left fallopian tube (it was already starting to rupture). I am glad that I was unaware of how serious ectopic pregnancies can be. I didn't realize I could have died if my tube ruptured. Even though my doctor saved my fallopian tube (and my life!), I always wondered how this would effect my ability to get pregnant & have kids. One of my biggest dreams was to be a mommy & for the next few years I wondered if that would ever happen. 
  Fast forward to the summer of 2005.  
This is when we decided to start "trying". We got lucky & I got pregnant the 2nd month after we started trying. I was due May 26, 2006. Kevin and I were thrilled. I couldn't wait to have a baby & be a mommy. I was relieved that the ectopic pregnancy didn't effect my ability to get pregnant. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I went in for blood work to make sure my numbers were doubling. My dr called and told me my progesterone was low & I needed to be on progesterone suppositories 2 times a day. Let me tell, you , those are NOT fun. Nasty. 
My pregnancy was progressing, at 6 weeks the nausea hit big time & I was throwing up 2-3 times a day. I was miserable, but it was worth it. We had our first ultrasound at almost 6 weeks to make sure the baby was in my uterus and not my tube. The baby was in my uterus & I scheduled another appt at 8 weeks for the heartbeat check. The 8 week ultra sound was no so great. There was a heart beat, but it was very low & took my doctor a long time to find it. He said I needed to come back in a week for another heartbeat check. At that appointment, there was still a slow heartbeat, but the baby was not growing on track & was only measuring 7 weeks. My doctor warned us not to be too optimistic, but I still had really bad morning sickness and was getting sick a few times a day. I thought that was a good sign. I had to go in again at 10 weeks for another heartbeat & growth check. At the 10 week appointment, the heart had stopped beating. 
We had lost the baby & my doctor scheduled me in for a D&C that night. 
It was a Tuesday night in late October, just like 3 years before.  
As I walked into the hospital for surgery, I felt like I was on Groundhog Day. Another surgery to remove another baby from my body that didn't make it. After my D&C, I was going through the motions of life. We were told to wait 3 cycles before we could try again so that my body could heal. Those were 3 very long, hard & dark months for me. I was numb. My 2nd miscarriage hit me so much harder than my first one. I was mad at God for taking this baby from us. It took me about 6 months to process it.
 During that time, I had a lot of support from family & friends and for that, I am thankful.  
I am thankful to my awesome & supportive husband who would hold me as I cried many nights mourning our loss wondering if I would ever have a baby. I would cry myself to sleep whenever a friend told me they were pregnant. I was truly happy for them, but SO sad for me. It was just another reminder of what I didn't have. I am thankful to our pastor who helped me process some of my feelings & emotions during the months after our loss. 
  I am thankful to my mom who encouraged me during this time & gave me hope (she had 4 losses in between me & my younger sister including an ectopic & a placenta separation at 21 weeks).  
I am thankful for my best friend AK. She had 2 miscarriages around the same time I did. I was able to call her & cry with someone who was going through the same thing I was. She understood my pain. 
  I am thankful to my dear friend Lorie who had suffered 2 losses. She shared her prayer journal with me & held me up in prayer when I was too sad to pray for myself. After we good the go ahead to start trying again, it took us 3 months and we got pregnant in May of 2006. We found out on Kevin's 31st birthday, (a week before my "due date" with my 2nd miscarriage) We were excited, but I was really nervous about having another miscarriage. I was a stress case & paranoid my entire pregnancy. On January 23, 2007 , I gave birth to our beautiful Katelyn Grace.
It was a moment I will never forget & an emotion I can't put into words.
One of my favorite pictures EVER (30 seconds after Kate was born)

I was reminded again at the miracle of life when Claire was born 4 years ago and when Luke was born last August.
God has a plan. His timing is perfect. Trust in Him.

My kids are a reminder of that truth.

I never thought I would say this, but part of me is grateful I have been through miscarriages because it has given me compassion & a heart for those who have also suffered losses. My miscarriages caused me to cling to God & put my faith, hope & trust in HIM instead of myself. 
It drew me closer to Christ as I clung to Psalm 20:4: "May He give you the desires of your heart and make your plans succeed." 
God was faithful to me even though many times, I have been unfaithful to Him. 
  I am thankful to God who carried me through a dark time & showed me that He was there for me & He did have a plan for me & that HIS timing is better than my timing.
 Because of this, when I hear of others who have suffered a loss, I mourn with them. I pray for them, I listen, I cry with them. My heart breaks with them.I can't make them feel better or make their pain go away, but I can make it less lonely. 
 I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. 
I was reminded again & again that God has a purpose & a plan even when I don't understand.  
 What I have learned through my journey is that I was NOT alone during a time where I felt so alone and when it seemed like EVERYONE around me was pregnant, except me. God was there, carrying me through this tough time.
I discovered that intercessory prayer is powerful. 
To have people praying for you when you don't have the words to pray yourself is humbling.
If you have lost a baby through miscarriage or infant death, I want to pray for you on this day of remembrance.

So, if you are one of those women who needs prayer will you please leave a comment on this post and tell me your name so that I can be praying for you?

I have changed the comments so that you can comment Anonymously if you don't want to leave your name.

If you are someone struggling with infertility, I want to pray for you.

If you are waiting to adopt, you will also be lifted up in prayer.
If you want, you can include the nature of your loss, and the child's names so that we can pray for you. 

If you want to leave an anonymous comment, you can do that also.  
If you haven't lost a child, will you join me in praying for those who have?


  1. I think it's wonderful that you volunteer for Now I lay me down to sleep. That cannot be an easy thing to do but it's admirable that you give your time.

  2. I had my miscarriage on June 25, 2007 (due date February 7, 2008). I am so grateful for the experience and can't wait to hold my baby one day in Heaven.

  3. Thank you for posting this. I've read it for the past few years before we started trying, but it takes on a whole new meaning when you're on the other side. I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks in May and am now 12 weeks pregnant with our second. I'm scared, but hopeful, and seeing stories like yours with three beautiful children makes it a little easier. Thanks again :)

  4. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I had my miscarriage on July 12, 2012 (due date January 15, 2013). It was my first pregnancy and I was devastated. Now, more than a year later, I am 6 weeks pregnant. I believe in God's faithfulness and His timing. I am praying for this little one every day.

  5. I had a miscarriage on August 21, at 6w6d. It was my first pregnancy. I don't know that I've ever been so angry in my life. I was just so mad at the world.
    I am hoping for a positive pregnancy test this Sunday.

  6. You are so brave! I love reading your story every Oct. 15th. Not only is it great awareness but I'm sure it is therapeutic as well! It just drives home the point that it is all in God's timing. Not our plan, His. What a huge testament this story is to that. Thank you for sharing.

    Rachel (Larson) McClintock

  7. I so appreciate how you share your story each year and the volunteer photography work you do. Last year, on this very day, our friends lost their infant son to SIDS. I know so many who have had miscarriages (myself included) and pray for all of them. As today is not only a remembrance day, but the one year anniversary of the loss of our friends' son, I lift them up in prayer today and ask that anyone else who is willing does the same.

  8. I miscarried my third baby at 6 weeks. I got pregnant 6 months later, and at the appt to confirm my pregnancy, the Dr noticed a lump on my husbands throat. Next day, we learned he had thyroid cancer. My husband calls that baby we had 9 months later the "baby that saved him", but I believe it is the baby that gave up his or her life that did all the saving.
    Trust in His plan.

    (and today I will pray for YOU Mel...)

  9. I think you know my story... but not sure - 6 miscarriages, 7 babies. (twins one time). I'm so very sorry for your loss.

  10. i had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. and went on to have two beautiful children...it was hard at the time. its strange but sometimes I feel like theres someone missing in my family, like she;s watching down over us, waiting to all be reunited one day. and I say "she" although I didn't know the sex, I am positive it was a little girl. blessing to all of you ladies.

  11. I had a miscarriage Dec. 2011 at 6 weeks. It was a huge shock since I had 3 healthy kids already. I never imagined what a lonely feeling it would be just waiting to miscarry. I went on to have my 4th and final child who was born Nov. 2012 (6 weeks early). I can't imagine what women are going through who are experiencing multiple losses, I really feel for them, but I hope they can continue to have hope for their future.

  12. I read this post every year, Mel. And I'm always so grateful that you post this. Prior to this year, I had a natural miscarriage at 6 weeks in 2008 and three full-term pregnancies that resulted in healthy boys. This year alone, I've had two chemical pregnancies and a missed miscarriage of our daughter, Quinlan Jane, at over 12 weeks. It has been a rough year. Quinn's due date is/was next week.

    I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant, and so far everything looks good and healthy. Knowing God has blessed us one more time is amazing, and I'm so thankful. But it doesn't take away from the fact that I miss my angels every day. Love, light and prayers to all of us and our angels....

  13. Thank you for sharing your story and giving so many hope. I had 1 miscarriage and 2 chemical pregnancies. It was a very difficult time. Like you, I am now blessed with three beautiful children. I pray for all those who have lost babies, for those who are now pregnant after a loss, and all of the sweet angels.

  14. I had my first son August 2012. I found out a few weeks ago I was (unexpectedly) pregnant with our second child. My hCG, however, has not been doubling (not even close) and yesterday my doctor said it doesn't look good. I have to go in for an ultrasound on Friday to eliminate the possibility of ectopic and "make the plan of action moving forward." I've been a pretty big mess and feeling all sorts of crazy emotions. I'm mostly just dreading the inevitable/what's to come. So, if you could please be praying for our little family while we navigate these waters for the first time I will be deeply grateful.

  15. I really love this post because for some reason people don't understand the pain of miscarriages. I guess it's because unless you've been there, you just don't know. After 3 healthy pregnancies, I have had 3 second trimester miscarriages (20 wks, 15 wks, 15wks). We are now in the process of adopting and couldn't be more excited (though my husband is concerned about raising the money, of course). Looking on the other side a year after my last miscarriage, I can still get sad, but feel okay with what has happened and know that our family is supposed to be on this adoption journey. Thank you for your post and your words of encouragement for everyone.

  16. Your story may have sad points but it also uplifting. My husband and I have a 5 year old son and have been trying for another baby for 7 months now with no success. We desperately want 3 more kids and are feeling a little discouraged when we get a negative test each month. I know God has a plan and his plan is "not yet". I know that little bundle of joy will be here soon - I can feel it!

  17. Thank you for sharing your story! I too had an ectopic pregnancy a few months into our marriage. Looking back I was glad I was young and unaware of how scary that all could be and the risks involved. Now, 3 kids later, I am finally able to process that whole experience and really feel sad that I lost my first baby. I think back then it was just an "ectopic pregnancy" and now I am finally able to say that it was "my baby". Thank you again for sharing your story and I will be praying for all the others out there going through this.

  18. I appreciate you, Mel. :) Thanks for sharing your story each year!

  19. I lost my first baby on October 22, 2009 he was a boy and we named him Lukas Ethan. We had tried for 3 1/2 years to conceive him so we were really excited to learn we were pregnant for the first time.

    We lost our second on May 24, 2011 and she was a girl and we named her Adyn Christine.

    So it's been nearly 8 years since we started trying and the great news is a fertility clinic opened near where we live so no more having to drive to the big city and having to deal with parking and traffic nightmares.

    God is always faithful and people wonder where I get the drive to try, try and try again and well I guess it's just a dream I will not give up on. I know if God didn't plan for me to have living kids he would'nt allow for such a strong desire for them.



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