Keeping it Real: Pregnancy Edition

Here's the deal.

I am almost 34 weeks pregnant with Baby #3 and I have a confession.
I DO NOT LIKE BEING PREGNANT.
Never have, never will.
Do I love babies & children? YES.
Do I love being pregnant? NO. Not even close.

Yes, I know that pregnancy is a miracle.
Yes, I am so incredibly thankful to be able to have children.
And, yes, I know children are a blessing....
BUT....
Being pregnant is not my favorite thing.
(This is one of the first times I feel like I can admit that without feeling like a terrible person)

I think of pregnancy as a means to an end.
You have to suffer for 9 months & then you get a beautiful reward at the end, a newborn baby.
I have said this before & I will say it again....I would rather give birth everyday than be pregnant.

One of the reasons I am not a fan of pregnancy is because I get horrible morning sickness.
From the moment I hit 6 weeks, I am nauseous 24/7 and it feels like I am hungover.
At almost 34 weeks, my nausea still hasn't gone away.
Thankfully, I haven't puked since 26 weeks, but from 6 weeks until 26 weeks I was barfing multiple times a day. That is not fun. Especially when I am teaching and especially when I have 2 little girls at home to take care of.
And, I can't tell you how many times I peed my pants while barfing. What is up with that?!?! Please tell me I am not the only one who this happens to.
Even though I get bad morning sickness, I know it could be worse.
I am thankful that I don't puke all 9 months and I am thankful that I never had to be hospitalized for nausea/dehydration.
I am thankful I never had to be on bed rest.
For the women who have had to deal with all of that, you are my heroes.

When I am pregnant, I am not a good wife or mother.
I am too sick to cook the first 5 months, so my poor girls lived on mac & cheese, chicken nuggets and PB&J for dinner because all I could eat was cereal. The act of opening the fridge & smelling it would send me running for the bathroom.
I am not joking when I say that the iPad literally babysat my girls for weeks on end.
My motto for this pregnancy has been,
"Survival of this pregnancy has been brought to you by the iPad"
My worst time was from 4 o'clock on. I would be exhausted from teaching & my nausea would peak in the late afternoon. The girls would play with the iPad while I laid on the couch trying not to barf. Not my best parenting months, but it was survival mode.
You gotta do what you gotta do to get through it, right?

And, poor, poor, Kevin. I think he ate chips/salsa for dinner for months.
He has done SO much around the house & with the girls because I just don't/didn't have the energy. While he got them ready for bed & read them books, I would already be in bed (or puking in the bathroom) He put/puts up with a lot when I am pregnant.
We always joked that when I was pregnant with Claire that it was our last pregnancy because our marriage couldn't survive another pregnancy. Ha! Well, here we are almost 34 weeks into this one and we survived...so far! :) He is a good, good, man for dealing with Pregnant Mel.

I am also a paranoid freak show when I am pregnant.
I refuse to take anti-nausea meds because I am a paranoid that it will harm the baby. You would think that by this 3rd baby, I would have mellowed out with the paranoia, but no, it hasn't.
I am a worrier and pregnancy just escalates that.
I worry about what I eat because "Is that safe to eat when pregnant?!?"
I google WAY too much. I even googled if it was safe to have a slurpee when pregnant because after I had one, I thought for sure it was on the do not have when pregnant list & I was worried that slurpee would harm my baby.
I told you I was a freak show.
I have many, many more ridiculous things that I have googled, but I will spare you (and spare myself the embarrassment of being so ridiculous)

During my pregnancies with Kate & Claire I never really admitted to people how much I loathed being pregnant, it made me feel guilty. But, I feel like I need to be honest & admit freely that I do not like being pregnant. And, I think that is okay.
I have never said (nor will I ever say) "I miss being pregnant, I just love it"

I wish I could be one of those pregnant women who just love being pregnant & don't freak out about every little thing, but that is not me. Each day, I pray that God will take over my fears about being pregnant, calm my heart and keep my baby healthy.
It is a daily battle for me not to worry and think something is wrong.
Maybe I am this way because I had 2 miscarriages before I had Kate, but maybe I am naturally a worrier. Either way, my worry is amplified during pregnancy. I don't like feeling anxious & stressed. That is not who I am (except when pregnant).

To the women who LOVE being pregnant and love every aspect of it, ROCK ON!
To the women who are surrogate mothers, and willingly carry a baby for someone, you are my FREAKING HERO.
To the women who don't like being pregnant, you are NOT ALONE.

For the next 6.5 weeks until this baby is born, I am going to *try* and change my attitude.
I will try to enjoy this time because it is FOR SURE my last pregnancy.
I will celebrate each day that gets me closer to not being pregnant EVER again.
Each day that passes means I am one day closer to meeting this precious one (boy or girl?!?!) that completes our little family and I just can't wait until he/she is in my arms and not my uterus.