A sad & heartbreaking milestone happened in our home yesterday.
I was in Claire's room changing her diaper & Kate came in to hang out with us.
Claire has mirrored closet doors in her room & Kate was looking at herself intently in the mirrors.
Kate started wiping her face over and over again.
I asked her what she was doing and she turned to me with big crocodile tears & said,
"Get them off!!!!""Get what off?" I responded. (There was nothing on her face)
"These marks. These dots. Get them off my face" She was sobbing.
At that point, my heart literally broke.
Kate had noticed the little sprinkling of freckles that have shown up across her face this summer.
I tried to hold in my tears as I reasoned with and tried to console my oldest daughter.
(Typing this out & remembering this is making me cry again)
As we sat on the floor of Claire's room with tears running down both of our faces I reminded Kate that she is beautiful. I told her that her freckles are kisses from God. I reminded her that lots of people have freckles...Mommy, Auntie El, Auntie Bots, her cousins & some of her friends have freckles.
I told her they are cute & they are unique.
She wasn't buying it. She still wanted them off. She wouldn't stop crying. She kept trying to wipe them off her face. My heart kept sinking & sinking.
(sorry Kate, I am part English/Scottish/Irish/Danish...the odds of you getting freckles are high)
So, I did what any good mom would do, I offered her chocolate & gave her some M&Ms.
It seemed to quell her emotions for the time being and I haven't heard about the freckles since then.
I felt like I had been punched in the stomach... How is it possible that my daughter who will be exactly 3.5 years old tomorrow is brought to tears because of the way she looks?
This is one of my fears about being a mother to two little girls.
Girls have self esteem issues.
I have self esteem issues.I could very easily list about 20 things about my looks that I don't like about myself.
I don't want my girls to have self esteem issues, although I know it is hard to avoid.
I want my girls growing up with confidence in who God created them to be.
I want them to know that they are fearfully & wonderfully made.
I want them to not compare themselves to other people & for them to be thankful and happy with the talents that God has given them.
I want them to know that they are loved for who they are.
(preaching to the choir....)
This is a BIG task, raising girls (and boys for that matter)
God has entrusted me (and Kevin) to raise up the girls in this scary, scary world.
Each day I realize more and more how unequipped I am for this job.
Each day I realize more and more how I need to rely on God to be the Mom that I need to be.
I don't have the strength, wisdom or patience to do it on my own.
I feel asleep last night with tears streaming down my face crying out to God & begging him to protect my girls from self esteem issues and asking Him to give Kevin and I guidance as we mother these 2 beautiful & amazing girls.
Ironically, all of these pictures of Kate last week when she was dressing up in her Princess clothes & staring at herself in the mirror that is in our living room (but not hung up yet). As I took these pictures she was busy admiring herself & singing at the top of her lungs, "I am a Princess, oh yes, I am a Princess!". She was so busy admiring herself as a Princess that she didn't even notice the freckles on her face....
Psalm 139: 13-14